Porcupinos Non Sodomy Est
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people. You are wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
- Lord Havelock Vetinari
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(x) Maladict by Bartek Drejewicz
“He was short and quite slim, which was fairly usual in a country where it was rare to get enough food to make you fat. But he was dressed in black and expensively, like an aristocrat; he even had a sword. The sergeant was, therefore, looking worried. Clearly a man could get into trouble talking wrong to a nob who might have important friends. (…) Those clothes cost serious money. Most of the vampire families were highly nobby. You never knew who was connected to who… not just connected to who, in fact, but to whom. Whoms were likely to be far more trouble than your common everyday who.”
               - Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
“’Good evening, gentlemen! Please pay attention. I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of suppressed instincts held together with spit and coffee. It would be wrong to say that violent, tearing carnage does not come easily to me. It’s not tearing your throats out that doesn’t come easily to me. Please don’t make it any harder.’
The sergeant pushed himself away from the bar top and took a muzzy swing at Maladict. Almost absent-mindedly, Maladict leaned away from it and then returned a roundhouse blow that knocked him over.”
               - Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
“‘I’m actually Maladicta.’ She sat back. ‘There! I’ve told someone!’ (…)
‘I thought I did pretty well,’ Maladicta went on. ‘Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: vampires have a pretty good time of it whatever sex they are, right? But it’s the same everywhere. Velvet dresses, underwired nightgowns, acting crazy all the time, and don’t let’s even go near the whole “bathing in virgin’s blood” thing. You get taken a lot more seriously if they think you’re male.’”
               - Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

(x) Maladict by Bartek Drejewicz

“He was short and quite slim, which was fairly usual in a country where it was rare to get enough food to make you fat. But he was dressed in black and expensively, like an aristocrat; he even had a sword. The sergeant was, therefore, looking worried. Clearly a man could get into trouble talking wrong to a nob who might have important friends. (…) Those clothes cost serious money. Most of the vampire families were highly nobby. You never knew who was connected to who… not just connected to who, in fact, but to whom. Whoms were likely to be far more trouble than your common everyday who.”

               - Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

“’Good evening, gentlemen! Please pay attention. I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of suppressed instincts held together with spit and coffee. It would be wrong to say that violent, tearing carnage does not come easily to me. It’s not tearing your throats out that doesn’t come easily to me. Please don’t make it any harder.’

The sergeant pushed himself away from the bar top and took a muzzy swing at Maladict. Almost absent-mindedly, Maladict leaned away from it and then returned a roundhouse blow that knocked him over.”

               - Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

“‘I’m actually Maladicta.’ She sat back. ‘There! I’ve told someone!’ (…)

‘I thought I did pretty well,’ Maladicta went on. ‘Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: vampires have a pretty good time of it whatever sex they are, right? But it’s the same everywhere. Velvet dresses, underwired nightgowns, acting crazy all the time, and don’t let’s even go near the whole “bathing in virgin’s blood” thing. You get taken a lot more seriously if they think you’re male.’”

               - Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

1 year ago | J | 97 notes